Gloomy Morning

These few days have been such a ride in hell for me.

I had been so anxious,

Day and night,

No sign.

Nothing is more frustrating than not be able to figure out what make me feel so blue,

Because logically, anxious is a result of emotion that have been summarized from all of life events happened into one damn unstable emotional state.

I don't know if its life, or myself or anything.

Everything are just...crazy, you know.

2 in the morning,

For the very first time, in my peaceful sleep,

I suddenly feel so anxious and overwhelmed that it has been a wake up call,

All of sudden.

For a moment, I curled up in a ball, on my bed, feeling so confuse.

I think everything seems so fine right before I sleep. I have no arguement or even sadness that linger, I guess.

Right then, tears streaks down my cheeks.

I feel hopeless, exhausted, and confused.

Like for real, what is actually happening? Is this even...normal?

No matter how much I try to reach for help, I ended up keeping it within myself as I don't think anyone could even understand.

Not even my family, trust me.

And this endless episodes of me getting anxious, depressed, seems not getting to its end,

And people could feel so sick of me,

As I feel sicks of myself too, too bad.

And then, I woke up next morning hoping last night was just an episode of 'summertime sadness',

Unfortunately, no.

I am still having this heaviness in my heart, and mind.

Its really am frustrating.

And again, sitting on my bed, writing, in hope to make it go away.

I know I sounds like a 'mad' person, I know.

Or maybe I am? Well..